Monika (Dechen)

Where the great fortune comes from for me to be able to be in retreat here at Miyo Samten Ling—I really don’t know. Not from this life—about that I’m sure. I met the Dharma relatively late, way into my forties. For two thirds of my life, I was searching for mundane happiness: trying this and that job, falling in love and falling out of it. For a while I thought I had found my way, by giving up most of my possessions, and traveling the world with just a backpack on my shoulders.

This lasted nearly ten years, but of course it came to an end. My mother got older and slowly glided into dementia, and I felt the responsibility to care for her. Even though there was a lot of resistance in me against giving up my life as a traveler, doing so to care for my mother was the best decision I had made in my life at that point, as it was my first step toward focusing less on “self,” and more on “other.”

Being back in Munich, my hometown, I renewed an interest in Buddhism that had developed in me while I was in Asia, and I became a regular visitor in a Gelug center. For a while, I even served as director of that center.

Having achieved a little bit of foundation in Buddhism, I longed for more, and it was Dzogchen I became interested in, without even really knowing what it was. I was then very lucky to meet the perfect teachers at the right time. Tsoknyi Rinpoche introduced me to Dzogchen in his relaxed, light, and humorous way. And my next teacher was Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche, who had developed a structured training, combining study and meditation practice in a way that seemed just made for me.

When I had reached the Mahamudra section of this training, I stumbled into a two-month retreat in India, and that turned out to be another and even deeper “life changer.” The teacher, Doug Veenhof, presented a path so clear and so doable—and that opened the door wide to experience beyond knowledge. Since then, I’ve been hooked, by the teachings of the lineage in general, and especially by the importance of achieveing shamatha, as a first step to reaching the Mahayana path.

This experience was right on time to prime me to participate in the four eight-week retreat offerings from B. Alan Wallace on The Vajra Essence. Miraculously, during that time the perfect retreat center to implement the teachings through meditation arose, and that was Miyo Samten Ling Hermitage in Crestone, CO.

And now here I am. Not at all a very talented meditator, I still struggle with doubts, frustration, and impatience. I do not really know where all of this will take me and how I can best be of benefit for others. I often find myself in unknown territory, having to trust my teachers to lead me along. But I also know for sure that the direction I’m heading in, with their help, is the right one, and that the journey is worth every moment of it!